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The Maisano Code: Am I blue?

Photo Credit: Cliffview Pilot
Photo Credit: Cliffview Pilot

Bergen County is still one of the few counties that has what are known as “blue laws.” Nah, it’s not a depression issue. Retail stores aren’t open in this county on Sunday, the day of rest. Our forefathers and five mothers made this up many years ago and we still have it. The only thing I like about it is that you can actually drive down Route 4 and 17 in the middle of the afternoon and not feel like you are on the West Side Highway.

However, I think we should revisit this. I actually wrote a letter to Corzine and suggested that he open the damn stores and use that income to lower the deficit. He never answered!! HUMMMMMM….

Maryann Maisano

I was born and raised in Fort Lee, so I’m familiar with Bergen County. We had the first malls got up way back when. I hated them then and I ain’t so fond of them now….

The first one that went up was The Bergen Mall… Then the games began. Garden State Plaza. Paramus Park. The Fashion Center. And any other space they could build stuff on.

For years now the Bergen Mall was the only place you could find a parking space. Why? Because no one was there. Most of the good anchor stores left and there were, like, 2 stores left. Then all a sudden – BAM. They put up Bergen Town Center…. Jeez.

It has a Whole Foods, where you can spend $40 on almonds, a Nordstrom’s (off the rack — or off the truck as I call it), Century 21, a new Target (like we need another one) and so on.

I was there this Saturday and went to Century 21. OMG!! It was packed.

So I go to the handbag section. I’m lookin and touchin and then I see something else, so I place the bag around my shoulder and go to look for a mirror! Big mistake: I nearly broke my neck. They had this thin wire wrapped around it and it was chained to the rack.

I felt like a dog on a choker collar. Then as I walked around I noticed everything had a chain, a rope or one of those huge plastic doors buzzer on it…even SOCKS!

You know what it’s like trying on a pair of sunglasses with that huge thing on the nose rest? I made the girl take off a few of them so I could try the glasses on. They looked better with the big buttons on them.

Then after you do purchase something, they fold the bag, like, four times, and then staple it across the top with your receipt on it – just so the rent-a-cop won’t stop ya!

As I then walked through the mall, I noticed this sign.  All my years as a sales coach made me a trained observer, so that can be a great thing or a real pain in the ass when you are in a relationship with me.

So the sign says: “We are open everyday at 7AM for mall walking.”

MALL WALKING?

Yup, for those of you who can’t afford the gym, you can now can get your ass up early and walk through the closed mall. Just as an FYI: It’s 1¼ miles from Target to Marshals.

And what would a mall be in October without a Christmas tree. It was all chained up and the ornaments were those buzzer things.


Reviewers have raved about Maryann’s music & standup. She’s opened for Joy Behar and Ray Romano, and has played The Laugh Factory, Broadway Comedy Club and Dangerfield’s. She has a CD out and will be featured on Danny Aiello’s upcoming album, “City of Light.” Judging from the looks of the packed houses, she’ll also be staging plenty more performances with the ITALIAN CHICKS, whose show has been called “part meatball, part cannoli.” For more on Maryann, the group, where they’re performing & how to get tickets, click here: ITALIAN CHICKS . Tell ’em CLIFFVIEWPILOT sent you.

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